Pretty sure I only know one song by tonight’s “mentor” Usher…  and they’re playing it to start the show.  I’d like to like him, but he strolled into the room to meet everyone wearing dark sunglasses.  Ridiculous, but whatever.  Seacrest just mentioned that Usher’s new album came out today without using the word “dropped.”  I didn’t know that was allowed anymore.

1. Siobhan.  Her rehearsal glasses are from the Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie collection.  I noticed a trend toward giant glasses during Idol auditions and I’m here to tell you, this is not a look that should return.  (That includes you, Andrew Garcia.)  The notes she’s singing in this song that I’ve never heard before don’t sound like the notes that were written.  Alternating between “pitchy” warbles and the to-be-expected weekly screams…  awful.  It’s the first time she’s been bad, but she was really bad.  Wow, they really talked for a LONG time after she finished reminding me that we’re about to hear ten ninety-second songs spread out over 2 hours.  Yikes!
2. Casey.  Hold on…  he’s coming!  Despite this wonderful news, please wipe the cheesy smile off of your stupid face.  He should also probably stop bringing his guitar out there because it’s distracting him AND me.   He looks like the least natural singer/guitar player this side of…  well, I don’t know anyone else that looks that uncomfortable with the electric guitar.  The judges liked it.  Whatever.
3. Mike.  When this guy holds an acoustic guitar, I keep waiting for him to break it over his knee like Bo Jackson.  He’s doing some super slow song by india.arie.  I think that’s how her name is spelled, right?  What a stupid way to spell/write a name.  He sounds good and I can totally picture turning this guy off when he comes on the radio in my car.
4. Didi.  I bet Ryan touches her a lot.  It happens every week.  She cried when she sang for Usher.  I don’t blame her.  That happened to me the time I sang for him, too.  Also, she sounded like she was auditioning for Annie in rehearsal.  Is that bad?  I think yes.  The actual performance is slightly better but it’s just a’aight for me, dawg.  (Note:  A’aight i’in’t actually a’aight.  A’aight means it reminded me of Star Search, which sucked.)    Didi is in trouble.  Ryan held her hand/wrist for a LONG time (1 minute and 26 seconds, followed by 8 more seconds of arm around her/shoulder rub) and revealed some sort of “pillow talkesque” inside info that nobody else seemed to know.  My wife wants to start her own Ryan and Didi blog.  I think she thinks they’re doing it.
5. Tim.  Tim Urban versus Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love”–  what could possibly go wrong?   I think Usher told him to make love to the camera with his eyes.  Uh oh.  He’s so so so bad every week that I’m actually starting to root for him to win the whole thing.  I wonder if votefortheworst.com is still around.  That’s the site that took credit (rightfully so, I bet) for keeping Sanjaya alive for WAY too long.  It is.   So he’ll be back, right?  Also, what’s with his eyes looking as if they’re being held open with toothpicks.
6. Andrew.  Usher took off his sunglasses during rehearsal because he thinks that’s what you do when you are serious about something.   He’s clearly got it backward.  This is the song from that cool wedding video from last year and also from Jim and Pam’s wedding.  It’s the best he’s been in a long time.  That said, he’s got about 2 weeks left in his run.
7. Katie.  She seems like she decided not to go out without a fight.  I bet she’s sort of mad that she gets no credit every week for being decent.  She had a bitchy growl that I liked.  She should be back.  There’s a chance she isn’t, though, because she has yet to really secure herself in the top half of this group, but I like her.  Oh, and Simon blasted Katie while discrediting the other judges.  That’s probably not a good sign.  Once again, two hours is too long for 10 people to each sing one shortened song.
8. Lee.  Slick Rick’s “Treat Her Like a Prostitute” is certainly an interesting choice.  He’s going to have to get creative to make it work with an acoustic guitar.  Oh.  It’s “Treat Her Like a Lady.”  My bad…  this song makes way more sense.  Also, he’s kicking its ass.  I like Lee.  No question that was the best performance of the night and any judge who disagrees shouldn’t be allowed back next week.  They all agreed.
9. Dirtysox.  Going to commercial, she just pointed at her feet as if to say “look, I washed them!”  I don’t believe you, Crystal.  Why does a girl who “hasn’t played piano in years” feel the need to play piano during a nationally televised singing contest?  Stupid.  The whole song went by and nothing happened.  She’s safe and all, but that was weak.
10. Aaron.  Ain’t No Sunshine.  Honey, I shrunk  k.d. lang!  There is absolutely nothing to cling to in this performance.  He made the mistake of picking a song that was done well by last year’s winner, Kris Allen.  Not terrible, not memorable, not anything.